The 10 Most Successful Gangsters of All Time

 

Who says crime doesn’t pay? If you are willing to take chances and know that you may live a fabulous but somewhat abbreviated existence, you too could be a gangster. As demonstrated by our list there are times crime definitely does pay. These larger than life gangsters lived fabulous lives although for many of them it lasted a relatively short time.

They owned mansions, planes, yachts, jewels, furs, cars and even an island. They had designer clothes, designer drugs and an endless supply of entertainment. Unfortunately with the type of work they dealt in, they had to be extremely careful so certain precautions always had to be taken. Bodyguards, food tasters, armored vehicles, alternate identities and even drastic plastic surgery were also part of their lifestyle. These were just a few of the preventative measures that could be taken for their protection and to keep them on top of the game.

Individuals like these were always targeted by rival gangs; it was a dangerous existence albeit a fantastic one.  Is this why we are so fascinated by gangsters? Our culture reflects the fascination through movies, TV shows and books. Prohibition seemed to spawn a new breed bringing players like Al Capone, and gambling allowing others like Meyer Lansky to rise to the top of the heap. Of course drug trafficking on a grand scale in the modern day ushered in South American drug lords and powerful cartels.

No matter what though, at some point after all the fun, the law does catch up.  Sometimes it takes years but it does happen. Most on this list faced charges of drug conspiracy and tax evasion, not to mention murder. Many spent years on the run avoiding the law, or worse yet, hired assassins. There is definitely a price to pay for this type of life. These gangsters usually came to violent ends or rotted away in jail cells until they died. Let’s take a look at the ten most successful criminals in terms of financial success and how they made their fortunes.

10. Frank Lucas: $52 Million

Born in 1930, in La Grange, North Carolina, Frank Lucas moved to Harlem in 1946. He aspired to be what he termed “Donald Trump rich” and so he calculated a plan after seeing the potential of the heroin business that was largely fed by the Vietnam War at that time. U.S Servicemen were exposed to all sorts of drugs overseas and many came back with raging addictions.

Lucas knew the potential for a huge profit was there if he could obtain the heroin from the source and bypass the Italian mafia that was in control of Harlem at the time. After traveling to Vietnam and setting up contacts and connections there, he was able to ship in tons of heroin from Southeast Asia on a regular basis. He hired only family members and trusted friends and eventually he took control of the heroin trade in New York and New Jersey. Working with Khun Sa, a well-known opium lord, Lucas arranged to have the heroin hidden in coffins that were flown from Vietnam to the U.S.

During the height of his operation he was making approximately a million dollars a day and his net worth was estimated to have been in the neighborhood of $52 million making him number ten on our list of most successful gangsters. Ironically, after serving time, Lucas was said to be sorry for his part in the devastation of Harlem and for the damage he caused so many individuals and families. He spent time attempting to undo some of the damage by working with his daughter’s non-profit organization, Yellow Brick Roads, protecting children of incarcerated parents. In 2007, his life was depicted in the movie American Gangster, starring Denzel Washington.

9. Jose Figueroa Agosto: $100 Million

Jose Figueroa Agosto was born June 28th, 1964 in San Juan, Puerto Rico. He is said to have risen in power within his crime family after he killed a driver that had stolen a shipment of cocaine. Even though he was caught and convicted for the murder he managed to escape, walking out of the prison with a fake release order and fleeing to the Dominican Republic.

He made his millions in drug trafficking at some point controlling over 90% of the drug traffic from the Dominican Republic to Puerto Rico. He successfully eluded the law by creating alternate identities and paying bribes to law enforcement personnel but his luck finally ran out. He was arrested in July of 2010 by DEA, FBI, U.S. Marshals, and the Puerto Rican Police. His fortune was estimated at approximately $100 million making him number nine on our list.

8. Joseph Kennedy: $300 million

Born on September 6th, 1888, in Boston, Massachusetts, Joseph P. Kennedy made his first million by age 30. Already in the liquor business legally he had to take extreme measures when Prohibition started or lose his business, so he contacted mobsters in New York and Chicago and became a successful bootlegger. Even after liquor was made legal again, Kennedy maintained those questionable ties and it’s said to have played a part in helping him control certain political elections.

According to Fortune Magazine in his prime, Kennedy had a net worth of more than $300 million. As father to a U.S. President, a District Attorney and a Senator, you might raise a brow seeing him on our list, but with his known associations with the likes of mobsters such as Frank Costello and Sam Giancana and allegations of influencing unions, fixing elections and his bootlegging stint, he seems right at home as number eight on the list. Joseph Kennedy died November 18th, 1969, outliving all of his sons except for Ted.

7. Meyer Lansky: $600 Million

Meyer Lansky, originally Maier Suchowljansky, was born July 4th, 1902. Lansky was one of the most well-known gangsters of his time. Born a Polish Jew in Russia, he immigrated to the U.S. with his parents in 1911, moving to New York’s Lower East Side.  Partnering with Bugsy Siegel he ran a floating crap game organizing a small gang and moving on to bigger and better things including auto theft, burglary, and liquor smuggling.

He worked under the protection of the Masseria crime family, even moving on to putting together a group of professional assassins. Supposedly it was Lansky who conspired with Lucky Luciano to eventually have Masseria killed in 1931. Lansky joined Luciano from 1932 to 1934 forming a national crime syndicate. Lansky became a major banker in the operation and used international accounts to launder money. His success continued as he moved to developing gambling operations in Cuba, Florida and eventually Las Vegas. It was Lansky that financed his old friend Siegel’s casino in Las Vegas and it was also Lansky that ordered the hit on Siegel when he attempted to steal from the syndicate.

When Cuba became a problem after Fidel Castro rose in power, Lansky turned his attention to the Bahamas, continuing to expand his gambling empire across the ocean. You name it, Lansky was into it, including narcotics, prostitution, pornography, racketeering, extortion, money laundering, etc. He squirreled away his vast holdings in Swiss bank accounts. In his heyday Forbes named him as one of the 400 richest people in the U.S. with a net worth of over $600 million making him number seven on our list. Although he attempted to flee to Israel, Lansky was forced back to the U.S. to face charges but due to his ill health he did not spend much jail time. Most indictments were discharged and he died of lung cancer in Miami at age 83.

6. Al Capone: $1.3 Billion

Alphonse Capone was born on January 17th, 1899, in Brooklyn, New York. He was born into a respectable family, his father was educated and making a living as a barber. Capone grew up living in a Brooklyn tenement near the Navy Yard. Although Capone was very bright he was expelled from Catholic school at age 14 for assaulting a teacher and he never returned. He met gangster Johnny Torrio and was seduced by Torrio’s lifestyle. He joined Torrio’s gang rising quickly and acquiring the scar in a knife fight that earned him the nickname “Scarface”.

He moved to Chicago in 1909 at Torrio’s request to help run operations there and by 1925 when Torrio retired, Capone became the boss of Chicago running the prostitution, gambling and bootlegging rackets there. He was ruthless, always attempting to take out other gangs and increase his territory. He ran the Chicago Mafia making most of his money during the prohibition period including over $60 million monthly from illegal alcohol alone. He was able to live the high life even refusing to carry a gun as a mark of his status, however he rarely traveled with less than two bodyguards and he almost always traveled under the cover of dark.

Capone was involved in probably one of the most infamous gang hits in history; the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre. Tired of dealing with his rival, Bugs Moran and his Northsiders gang, Capone ordered the hit for February 14th, 1929, staging it as a raid with the henchmen wearing stolen police uniforms. Unfortunately for Capone, Moran escaped but it was well-known who had attempted the hit. He had just about everyone on his payroll including government officials, judges, police officers and City Hall personnel.

His fortune would have been worth approximately $1.3 billion today landing him the number six spot on our list. Unfortunately the law did catch up with Capone and he was arrested and prosecuted by the Internal Revenue Service for tax evasion. He spent 11 years in prison, serving time in Alcatraz until he became ill and was released early for good behavior. He died on January 25th, 1947 at age 48.

5. Griselda Blanco: $2 Billion

Griselda Blanco, also known as the “The Godmother and The Black Widow,” was born in Colombia on February 15th, 1943. She is suspected of having committed over 200 murders while transporting cocaine from Colombia to the U.S. She was raised by an abusive mother and drifted into prostitution at a young age. Working as a prostitute she became involved with the Medellin Cartel. Working for them, she helped smuggle Colombian cocaine throughout the U.S., even designing special undergarments that could be used to transport large amounts through U.S Customs.

Blanco arrived in New York in the mid 1970’s, a successful drug smuggler running a huge narcotics operation but U.S. law enforcement was on her tail and after intercepting one of her shipments she and more than 30 of her partners were indicted. Afraid she would be captured, Blanco returned to Colombia, but eventually she came back to the U.S. and this time settled in Miami.

She continued working for the Medellin Cartel, acquiring her reputation for murder until she was eventually caught and jailed for drug conspiracy. Upon her release Blanco returned to Colombia where she was gunned down by two hit men on motorcycles at age 69. In her time she was making approximately $80 million a month and during her peak she was worth $2 billion. That makes this dangerous lady gangster number five on our list.

4. Carlos Lehder: $2.7 Billion

Born in Armenia, Colombia, on September 7th, 1949, Carlos Lehder became a founding member of the Medellin Cartel, eventually taking control of an island in the Bahamas and using it to transport cocaine between Colombia and the U.S. He used connections he had made in prison to help him import cocaine and distribute across the United States. A self-proclaimed Nazi, Lehder was eventually run off the island by Professor Richard Novak, a diving enthusiast, hell-bent on keeping his diving paradise pristine.

Once off the island, Lehder attempted to keep the law at bay with threats and payoffs, but eventually he was arrested, extradited to the U.S. and sentenced to 135 years in jail. After agreeing to testify against the Panamanian dictator, Manuel Noriega, Lehder was put into the witness protection program and virtually disappeared. Supposedly he was given a reduced sentence of 55 years and is serving time under another name. At the time of his arrest government officials seized Lehder’s bank accounts and took ownership of his possessions bankrupting the gangster. During his prime through drug trafficking and racketeering Lehder amassed a fortune of over $2.7 billion, making him number four on our list.

3. Joaquin Guzman Loera: $5 Billion

It is believed Joaquin Guzman Loera was born on December 25th, 1954, in Mexico, although his exact birthdate is not known. He grew up the son of a cattle rancher, his family was very poor and he helped by selling fruit when possible to help earn a living. He also learned to grow his own poppies for opium and marijuana to increase the family’s income. His nickname was earned by his short stance; Loera at full height was only 5 feet 6 inches tall earning him the moniker of “El Chapo”, which means “Shorty”.

After his father kicked him from his family home, he went to live with his grandparents and he became associated with the Sinaloa Drug Cartel, overseeing drug trafficking between Mexico and the U.S. The drugs were obtained from Colombia and delivered into Mexico where Loera ran logistics, ensuring their delivery from there into the U.S. and Europe by way of plane, boat, truck, train, or helicopter. When the heads of the cartel were eventually arrested, Loera took control. He added the manufacturing of meth within Mexico as well.

According to Forbes, Loera’s net worth is estimated to be approximately $5 billion.  Although eventually a $5 million dollar reward was offered for his capture, Loera managed to evade the authorities and stay at the top of the FBI’s most wanted list for more than 10 years. He was only recently captured and arrested on February 22nd, 2014 at a resort in Mazatlán, Mexico.

2. Amado Carrillo Fuentes: $25 Billion

Amado Carrillo Fuentes was born December of 1956 in Navolato Sinaloa, Mexico. He was known as the “Lord of the Skies”, earning his nickname utilizing private planes to carry cocaine around the world. He owned a fleet of 27 private jets, most were Boeing 727’s. Flying into mostly municipal airports and airstrips around Mexico, he was able to successfully transport massive amounts of cocaine. Fuentes murdered his former boss, Rafael Aguilar Guajardo, leader of the Juarez Drug Cartel and took over operations.

Under his direction, the cartel flourished and Fuentes became one of the most powerful drug traffickers in the world, shipping tons of cocaine directly to Manhattan monthly.  Married with a family, Fuentes resided in a middle-eastern style home that resembled a fortress called “The Palace of a Thousand and One Nights”. It was finally ordered to be torn down in 2006 by Governor Eduardo Bours. Fuentes lived a far from peaceful existence spending the last ten years of his life mostly on the run from the law.

In 1997, as capture became imminent Fuentes decided to change his appearance and after admittance into a hospital in Mexico City, he died on July 3rd, 1997, while undergoing extensive plastic surgery. The operation lasted over nine hours and it’s unclear as to whether Fuentes had a reaction to a medication or the respirator failed but he died on the table. Strangely enough, three months afterward, the two doctors who had performed the surgery were found dead, buried in concrete tombs. There was evidence torture had taken place. The funeral of Fuentes was considered to be one of the most expensive in all Mexico’s history with thousands in attendance. This gangster, in his prime, was reported to have a net worth of over $25 billion making him number two on our list.

1. Pablo Escobar: $30 Billion

Number one on our list is Pablo Escobar, born December 1st, 1949 in Antioquia, Colombia. He was a founding member of the Medellin Cartel, one of the most powerful drug cartels in all of Colombian history. His ruthless ambition gained him control of over 80% of the cocaine that was smuggled into the U.S. Born into a poor family Escobar started his criminal career early, stealing and selling tombstones. By the 1970’s he began to be involved with cocaine. In partnership with five other illegal business owners he formed the Medellin Cartel, purchasing large amounts of coca paste from Bolivia and Peru and importing it to the U.S.

According to Fortune and Forbes magazines he came in as number seven on their list of the ten richest people on earth. He crafted his position and status carefully sponsoring charity projects and soccer clubs and investing in the right contacts and influential friends. Unfortunately, his ambition brought an early death to many that threatened to get in his way including at least three Colombian presidential candidates, thousands of law enforcement personnel, attorney generals, judges and even journalists brave enough to report the truth. At one point it was said he offered to pay off Colombia’s national debt estimated at $10 billion.

He attempted to lobby for a no-extradition clause and generous amnesty to drug lords if they agreed to give up drug trafficking. This makes sense as by this point he had distanced himself from the trade instead choosing to impose a so called “tax” on those trafficking directly. His fortune was estimated to be over $30 billion earning him the number one spot on our list. He attempted to hide himself in prison to escape assassins but that only lasted a year then he was on the run again. He was finally shot to death by the Colombian police in 1993.

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Great Train Robber they never caught, Retired cabbie took famous heist mystery to grave

A RETIRED London black cab driver was cremated this week – and the key to one of the most enduring mysteries of the last century may have died with him.

Doting grandfather and family man Danny Pembroke was strongly believed to have been the Great Train robber who got away with the 1963 heist.

He may also have been the mystery robber known as Alf Thomas, who police were convinced was responsible for battering train driver Jack Mills.

Was Danny Pembroke the one that got away?

Scotland Yard said they were “certain” that former British soldier Pembroke was one of the gang who held up a Glasgow to Euston mail train at Sears Crossing, near Cheddington, Bucks, and stole £2.6million in bank notes – worth £50million today.

Likewise, Post Office investigators “strongly suspected” him for the robbery. He was questioned and his home searched, but his involvement could never be proved.

The other robbers were caught through fingerprints and forensic evidence linking them to their hideout, Leatherslade Farm, which had not been burned down as planned.

South Londoner Pembroke – whose real name was Dennis Pembroke – drifted into crime after completing his national service aged 20 and was suspected by police to have been a member of a gang known as the South Coast Raiders.

The gang had already held up several trains on the London to Brighton line when they joined up with a team of professional robbers from South West London to carry out the crime of the century.

Pembroke was a close associate of fellow South Coast Raiders Bob Welch and Tommy Wisbey, whom he lived close to on the Elmington Estate in Camberwell.

Welch and Wisbey – two of the last three surviving known robbers – were both convicted of the train robbery and jailed for 30 years.

Pembroke is thought to have been one of two South Coast Raiders who got away with the robbery. The other has never been identified. One of them was given the pseudonym Alf Thomas and strongly suspected by police of coshing train driver Jack Mills.

Train driver Jack Mills following the attack

Train robbery author Chris Pickard said: “From what the robbers have said themselves, the South Coast team were on the East side of the track and the other lot were on the West.

“Once the train stopped the South West London team moved in. Buster Edwards tried to get in the driver’s cab from the East and Gordon Goody went in from the other side and got Jack Mills in a bear hug.

“One of the South Coast Raiders then supposedly went round the front of the train and came in the same side as Goody and hit Mills over the head with an iron bar.

“The robbers have always refused to say who hit the driver, but there have been suggestions that it was one of those who was never caught.”

One of the most senior officers on the train case, DCI Frank Williams, confirmed after his retirement that police suspected the uncaptured robber known as Alf Thomas of battering Jack Mills, but nothing could be proved against him.

Pembroke’s name surfaced as a suspect soon after the robbery and he was put on an unerringly accurate list of names compiled by Scotland Yard CID commander George Hatherill.

The list was produced from information supplied by criminal informants who were seeking favours and a share of the £10,000 reward.

As well as Pembroke it also included another robber to get away with it, Harry Smith. All the other suspects named on Cdr Hatherill’s list were later convicted.

The only one of the captured robbers not to feature on it was the now notorious Ronnie Biggs.

Three weeks after the robbery, the Yard chief said he was satisfied the criminals named to him were the “certain offenders” and later wrote in his autobiography that the information was “substantially accurate.”

Pembroke’s home was searched on September 6, 1963, by Flying Squad officers DCI Williams and Det Sgt Jack Slipper.

Nothing incriminating was found and Pembroke was interviewed and his prints taken before being released.

He was even asked to provide samples of his pubic hair to compare with those found in sleeping bags left at the farm.

Tests proved negative.

One former underworld associate told The Sun: “Danny got away with it because he was very clever and kept his gloves on the whole time they were at the farm.

“The Old Bill were convinced he was involved, but could not charge him because they didn’t have any forensic evidence to link him.”

Detectives inspect coaches following the heist

Soon after being released by police, Pembroke went to the Devon village of Beaford with Welch and three other men, where they are suspected of hiding stolen cash.

Locals became suspicious about them spending £5 notes in pubs, although the parish church vicar reported his most successful harvest festival contributions ever.

Those close to the robbers claim major bribes were given to police by those who got away with it.

Certainly, Danny did not show any overt signs of great wealth after the robbery — unlike Harry Smith, who bought 28 houses, a hotel and drinking club.

Many of the robbers were also ripped off by other criminals for their money.

Intriguingly, Danny featured as a gang member in a fictional book titled The Men Who Robbed The Great Train Robbers, published last year.

But there could well be another explanation for Pembroke’s apparent lack of wealth.

On 3 December 1963, on the day gang driver Roy James was captured, police received an anonymous call telling them to go to a phone box in Southwark, where they found almost £50,000 of train robbery money.

The money is thought to have been left there in a deal with police by the mystery robber known as Alf Thomas, who was suspected of hitting Jack Mills.

Cdr Hatherill later said the motive for the return of the money found in the phone box was unclear but said it had been done by “one about whom extensive inquiries had been made and who was interrogated at length.”

He added: “In spite of our strong suspicions, nothing could be proved against him and so no charge could be brought.

“My belief is that he thought we knew more about him than we did, and thinking things were getting hot, he decided to get rid of the money to avoid being found in possession with it.”

Another interpretation is that the money was intended as a bribe to Flying Squad detectives, who were prevented from keeping the loot by unforeseen circumstances.

Either way, nothing more was ever heard about “Alf Thomas”.

Danny Pembroke in later life

Following the robbery, Pembroke turned his back on crime and lived in quiet obscurity in Chislehurst, Kent, working hard as a cabbie to bring up his five children.

He died aged 79 from a heart attack in his sleep at home on February 28 and was cremated on Tuesday at Kemnal Park Cemetery.

As well as his children, Pembroke leaves behind ten grandchildren and one great grandson. His son Danny Jnr, 55, said his father had never spoken about the Great Train Robbery.

The gas fitter from Sevenoaks, Kent, added: “My dad was a fiercely private man. He didn’t have a mobile phone or a bank account his entire life.

“He had a razor-sharp mind and right up until the day he died he was the most clued-up man I’ve ever known.

“But more than anything he was a family man. He was the last of a dying breed — unbothered by what other people did and just focused on providing for his family.

“I couldn’t fault him. He was a fantastic bloke and friend and a super, kind and loving dad. He was the best man I ever knew.”

Fate of the big three

THREE men became the most infamous members of the train robber gang. Here is what happened to them . . .

Bruce Reynolds

Bruce Reynolds was mastermind behind heist

He was the mastermind of the operation.

After the robbery he hid out in a London safe house for six months then moved to Mexico with his family before settling in Canada.

He secretly returned to England and lived in Torquay where he was arrested.

In 1969 he was sentenced to 25 years and released in 1978. In the 80s he was back in jail on drug charges before being released. He died in his sleep in 2013 aged 81.

Ronnie Biggs

Ronnie Biggs spent many years on the run following the   robbery

 

A close pal of Reynolds, Biggs was recruited to hire a train driver to help move the engine after it was stopped.

But the man he found was only familiar with steam trains.

This led to the coshing of driver Jack Mills, who was forced to move the engine.

Police arrested Biggs after finding his fingerprints at the gang’s safe house.

He was given 30 years but escaped from Wandsworth Prison after 15 months by climbing over a wall.

Biggs fled first to Paris, then to Spain, Australia, Panama and finally Brazil.

He returned to Britain in 2001 after being flown back by The Sun and was sent back to jail.

He was released on compassionate grounds eight years later. Biggs died in 2013, aged 84.

Ronald ‘Buster’ Edwards

'Buster' Edwards was a familiar face at Waterloo station

Edwards was one of several gang members who claimed to have been the one to cosh Jack Mills, but it’s believed he said this for publicity.

After the robbery he fled to Mexico with Reynolds but gave himself up in 1966 after his money ran out.

He was sent to jail before being released early in 1975. He went back to his original job as a florist and opened a stall at Waterloo Station.

Edwards was played by singer Phil Collins in a 1988 film about his life. He battled alcohol and depression and he ended up hanging himself in 1994 at the age of 63.

• The only gang members still thought to be alive are Douglas ‘Gordon’ Goody who lives in Spain but is said to be very ill and Robert Welch, now confined to a wheelchair.

The Benefits of the Beach on the Brain.

According to scientists, visiting the beach can change your brain in an incredible way

We all know that spending time outdoors is good for you on both a physical and mental level, but the benefits of spending time specifically at the beach have just been revealed.

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That incredible feeling of peace and calmness that you experience at the beach is now being referred to as “blue space.” That’s what scientists have dubbed the effect that the combination of soothing smells and sounds of water have on your brain. The blue space is enough to make you feel at ease in a hypnotic sort of way.

When you notice how relaxed you feel at the beach, it’s not just all in your head. Science says that it’s a change in the way your brain reacts to its environment leaving you feeling happy, relaxed and reenergized.

Overall, this blue space effects you in four different ways.

1. Going to the beach reduces stress.

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Water can be is nature’s cure to  stress. It’s full of naturally occurring positive ions that are known for having the ability to make you feel at ease. So whether you jump in for a swim or simply dip your toes in the water, you’re sure to experience a feeling of relaxation. That’s one instant mood booster we could all use from time to time!

2. The beach boosts your creativity.

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Feeling like you’re in a creative rut? Well, scientists now believe that the solution to this is the beach. Being in blue space allows you to clear your head and approach problems or projects in a more creative way. Much like meditation, the beach triggers a feeling of calmness that allows you to tune everything else out and reflect on what it is you’ve been needing to focus on.

3. Going to the beach can help reduce feelings of depression.

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Much like the effects that the beach has on feelings of stress and creative ruts, the beach also provides some relief to feelings of depression. The hypnotic sound of the waves in combination with the sight and smells of the beach can put you into a meditative space. In turn, you can clear your mind and reflect on life in a safe space away from the chaos of your daily life.

4. Overall, spending time at the beach will change your perspective on life.

sea-sunny-person-beach

And that perspective is going to change for the better! Nature in general has always been a factor in healthy happy lives, but the beach in particular is so good for the soul.

Do People Who Fart In Front Of Their Partners Have A Better And More Lasting Relationship ?

Have you been with someone for a while, but are still afraid to fart in front of them?

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That’s not uncommon – but we’re here to say, you don’t have to worry so.
Usually we try to avoid doing unpleasant things in front of people we want to impress, but new research suggests that people who fart in front of their partner are more likely to have a lasting relationship.

Buttholes are not very appealing. We’re made up of way more attractive body parts that we’d all rather focus on — our hair, our eyes, our teeth and even our goddamn feet are more appealing than that mysterious, dark dot that none of us, except for any unfortunate men who get way too deep into doggy style, have really ever seen. Or really want to.

Buttholes are the largest of elephants in every single room in which a conversation has ever taken place, since the beginning of time until the end of time.

 The fact that every single person on earth has a butthole is something we all know, something we are all cripplingly aware of but refuse to talk about, ever — especially in the context of love and romance.

When you embark on a new relationship, having a butthole is the last thing you want to have. You want to have great conversation, wonderful sex and worthwhile interests in common. All of these things simply leave no room for buttholes.

 But I’m here to tell you that acknowledging the butthole is imperative to the success of your relationship. And no, I’m not talking about trying anal, because that’s just… that’s just a whole other thing.

I’m talking about embracing the fart. Loving the fart. Acknowledging that your partner has a butthole and from that butthole come farts.

 I’m not going to pacify you with that joke about how “girls don’t fart.” You, reader, are better than that. You know girls fart. If you fart, so do girls.

I feel like it’s weirdly progressive that I’m a woman and I’m talking about farts, but it shouldn’t be. Farts are f*cking hilarious. The day farts stop being funny is the day humanity dies.

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Besides being funny and natural, farts are vital to the success of any relationship. The first time you fart in front of your boyfriend or girlfriend is akin to your first great bang session, your first “I love you,” and your first child.

There’s nothing that says “You’re the one” quite like leaning to one side, squishing your face up a little bit and releasing a flow of dank hot air. I’m serious.

Farts show you’re comfortable.

If you’re comfortable enough to fart in front of your boyfriend, there’s truly nothing you can’t do in front of him.

You can cry in front of him. You can get into a fight with him, and you can call his sister a b*tch, and all of those things will pale in comparison to the comfort it takes to let your butthole explode in front of him. That’s some serious, serious comfort.

That’s the beauty of farts, folks. They prove that anything is possible.


Farts show playfulness.

I’ve only ever heard of one instance in which a girl threw up when her boyfriend dutch-ovened her. That’s it! Just one!

Other than that, every fun couple knows that there is much joy and laughter to be had when farting is a staple part of the relationship.

Forget laughing at funny movies together. Laughing at farts is where it’s at.


Farts create inside jokes.

If you embrace the fart, you and your boyfriend can slyly joke to each other about all the good memories you’ve created from farting.

The best part about these particular inside jokes is that they really, truly are inside, since you can’t really “explain” that time you farted mid-orgasm to anyone else who isn’t your boyfriend because that’s just embarrassing. Only you and your boyfriend have that level of comfort.

Inside jokes that involve farting create that wonderful layer of secret, private intimacy to your relationship.


Farts show you have nothing to hide.

It’s important that you show your true colors in a relationship. If there’s no honesty or transparency, there can be no trust, and without trust a relationship will surely flop.

Therefore, if you fart in front of your boyfriend, you are loudly and proudly proclaiming that you are human — hear you roar — and that you’re unafraid to hide your humanness. And if you’re unafraid to hide your humanness, you must be unafraid to hide anything.


Farts are sexy.

I get it. You’re currently telling me that I’m insane. But hear me out for a second. What’s sexier than embracing everything — yes, even his farts — about your partner?

Think about how you feel when you see your boyfriend after the gym, when his skin is glistening and when he smells like body odor and salt.

Isn’t that rawness so hot because of how naturally human it is, not in spite of it?

Think about how you feel when your girlfriend wears no makeup and you still think she looks beautiful.

Doesn’t her beauty at least partially come from the fact that she’s allowing you to see her like that, in her natural, human state?

There’s nothing sexier than raw, uninhibited, stripped-down personhood, than sharing in the most private of private moments with your partner.

Haven’t you ever stood in a bathroom and looked in the mirror at the two of you brushing your teeth at the same time? Haven’t you ever actuallyshowered together (no, not as a euphemism for sex)? Now that’s intimacy.

When you love someone, you have to love every single thing about that person.

You have to love your boyfriend when he’s rocking a suit and tie at your wedding and when he’s drunk on your couch playing Call of Duty with his stupid friends.

You have to love your girlfriend when she buys you your favorite beer and when she does her nails in the living room while gossiping loudly with her annoying friends.

You have to embrace every flaw, every idiosyncrasy, every irritating habit. And that includes every fart.

Leah Decesare, author of the book “Naked Parenting,” has written a research paper which confirms that a lasting relationship is based on complete trust and sincerity – which includes such things as farting in front of our partner.
Farting is as natural as laughing, crying, or eating. Why hold it in?

GIN, ELDERFLOWER AND PROSECCO COCKTAIL

ADD SOME HOLIDAY CHEER TO YOUR PARTY MENU WITH THIS GIN, ELDERFLOWER AND PROSECCO COCKTAIL!

This Gin, Elderflower and Prosecco Cocktail is sure to make any gathering festive!

Simple truth: Everyone loves bubbles. And drinking bubbles with friends and family makes them even better.

Ever get tired of the same old drinks, but don’t want to serve something that has a ton of ingredients and is putzy to make? Try this Gin, Elderflower and Prosecco Cocktail.

This is my drink of the season, and I definitely think you should add it to your collection. The elderflower adds a subtle, sweet undertone, and the Prosecco bubbles lighten up the drink nicely.

Looking for a stiff drink? Add just a bit of Prosecco. Want a lighter drink? Be generous with your bubbles.

Usually garnishes are just for looks, but this is one drink where they really complete the cocktail. But don’t worry, they aren’t a lot of work. All you need is a squeeze of lime juice and a fancy sugar-coated rim to make the drink look as impressive as it tastes. Anyway you pour it, you can’t go wrong.

Here’s hoping that you find an opportunity to share this drink with good friends and family this holiday season. Cheers!

This Gin, Elderflower and Prosecco Cocktail adds the perfect sparkle to any gathering!

 Gin, Elderflower and Prosecco Cocktail

5 minPrep Time

5 minTotal Time

 

Ingredients

  • 2 parts Gin
  • 1 part Elderflower Liqueur
  • Prosecco
  • Lime Wedges
  • Sugar (for the rim of the glass)

Instructions

  1. Fill a shaker with ice and add the Gin and Elderflower Liqueur. Shake to combine.
  2. Place the sugar on a small plate. Run a lime wedge around the rim of a martini glass and press the rim of the martini glass in the sugar to coat.
  3. Strain the contents of the shaker into the glass and top with Prosecco. Squeeze a lime wedge in the drink and garnish with an additional lime wedge.
  4. Serve immediately.

A Glass Of Red Wine Is The Equivalent To An Hour At The Gym, Says New Study

Love a good glass of vino but hate hitting the gym to work it off? This news will make your day.

Research conducted by the University of Alberta in Canada has found that health benefits in resveratrol, a compound found in red wine, are similar to those we get from exercise.

Red wine over a heavy session on the cross-trainer? Now that’s something we can definitely get onboard with.

According to lead researcher, Jason Dyck, these findings will particularly help those who are unable to exercise. Resveratrol was seen to improve physical performance, heart function and muscle strength in the same way as they’re improved after a gym session.